Showing posts with label Xbox 360. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Xbox 360. Show all posts
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Monday, August 9, 2010
(TrueAchievements Repost) Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper Review
In order to write this review I first had to find the address for a computer technician to fix my keyboard. I needed to go old school and use an actual phone book as my computer was out of order of course. Sadly, the only phone book in the area was up on the balcony of a third floor apartment. No one was home, so I had to mug a fireman and take his ladder. In order to mug this fireman, I had to first secure a hefty wooden tree branch for use as a makeshift club. This meant I had to distract the squirrel on the branch since I did not want to hurt him. To do this, I had to find my nuts.
Okay, so I did not actually have to do any of that, but if that was tough for you to read just stop right now and do not play this game. Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper is an old school adventure game. I am talking Myst adventure games here. Originally a PC Game in the U.K., now a 360 game here in the States (as well as the U.K.), Sherlock Holmes versus Jack the Ripper is an acquired taste.
Plot
You play as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, attempting to solve the infamous Jack the Ripper murders that took London by storm in 1888. The world's first sensationalized serial killer (Jack the Ripper stirred up media interest like no one's business) was never actually caught, making this an excellent case for Sherlock Holmes. The game, surprisingly, uses the actual timeline, locations and suspects of the Jack the Ripper murders. By playing this game, you will know the actual history of the Jack the Ripper murders.
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - LEARNED SOMETHING FROM A VIDEO GAME
Gameplay
Unlike the PC version, you can play in either a first or third person perspective. Third is easier to get around the drab rooms and corridors of 19th century London, but first makes it much easier to grab clues and items. Which you will be doing. A lot. The same scenario plays out over and over again. Sherlock and Watson will be in the office and then will get a clue. You rush off as one of the Dynamic Duo to investigate the clue but in doing so, must go on the sort of subquest hell not seen since Breath of Fire 2.
The solutions to most of the puzzles are quite logical. So logical in fact that I found myself missing an important clue right in front of my face. A few will most likely, require a guide, despite having one by my side I actually enjoyed figuring some of them out on my own. I know! this day and age, someone taking the time to figure out logic puzzles! Go figure.
Control
The controls will make a few of those puzzles significantly harder then they should be as this was originally a PC game, a mouse and keyboard is clearly the control scheme this was designed to use in the first place. Finding the right pixel can reach annoyance levels akin to finding the loose brick in the dungeon of Maniac Mansion.
Combining items in your inventory and flipping between menu screens is a bit convoluted, but you get used to it. There is a term for control schemes like this...Stockholm Syndrome.
Graphics
Horrible. Good thing you are not playing this for them.
Sound and Music
The voice acting is spot on and did not drive me to the brink of insanity. With the amount of British accents present, you would think it would be incredible grating and over the top, but no, the voice work actually enhances the story. Nuances can be picked up if you actually stop and listen to the plot advancing, one suspect at a time.
Music is nearly non-existent but the ambient noise is not intrusive either, so given the excellent voice work, we will just call this one a wash.
Achievements
With a guide, this is one of the fastest 1k's available. Only 4 achievements are miss-able and the rest you will earn naturally by finishing the story.
Conclusion
Well, the graphics are horrendous and the control will make you scream before you submit and accept it as your master, but to be brutally honest?
I found the game to actually be fairly amusing.
Granted, that is almost entirely because of the historical accuracy on display throughout the entire game and my own background in History. The old-school adventure gameplay is also charming once you realize exactly what it is you are getting yourself into with this game. Sherlock Holmes versus Jack the Ripper is such an acquired taste that I can not recommend this for everyone.
If the thought of old school adventure in a historical setting sounds remotely appealing to you, then grab this one on the cheap and have a fun weekend.
If the thought of having to read while playing a game confuses you, then stay away.
Okay, so I did not actually have to do any of that, but if that was tough for you to read just stop right now and do not play this game. Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper is an old school adventure game. I am talking Myst adventure games here. Originally a PC Game in the U.K., now a 360 game here in the States (as well as the U.K.), Sherlock Holmes versus Jack the Ripper is an acquired taste.
Plot
You play as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, attempting to solve the infamous Jack the Ripper murders that took London by storm in 1888. The world's first sensationalized serial killer (Jack the Ripper stirred up media interest like no one's business) was never actually caught, making this an excellent case for Sherlock Holmes. The game, surprisingly, uses the actual timeline, locations and suspects of the Jack the Ripper murders. By playing this game, you will know the actual history of the Jack the Ripper murders.
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - LEARNED SOMETHING FROM A VIDEO GAME
Gameplay
Unlike the PC version, you can play in either a first or third person perspective. Third is easier to get around the drab rooms and corridors of 19th century London, but first makes it much easier to grab clues and items. Which you will be doing. A lot. The same scenario plays out over and over again. Sherlock and Watson will be in the office and then will get a clue. You rush off as one of the Dynamic Duo to investigate the clue but in doing so, must go on the sort of subquest hell not seen since Breath of Fire 2.
The solutions to most of the puzzles are quite logical. So logical in fact that I found myself missing an important clue right in front of my face. A few will most likely, require a guide, despite having one by my side I actually enjoyed figuring some of them out on my own. I know! this day and age, someone taking the time to figure out logic puzzles! Go figure.
Control
The controls will make a few of those puzzles significantly harder then they should be as this was originally a PC game, a mouse and keyboard is clearly the control scheme this was designed to use in the first place. Finding the right pixel can reach annoyance levels akin to finding the loose brick in the dungeon of Maniac Mansion.
Combining items in your inventory and flipping between menu screens is a bit convoluted, but you get used to it. There is a term for control schemes like this...Stockholm Syndrome.
Graphics
Horrible. Good thing you are not playing this for them.
Sound and Music
The voice acting is spot on and did not drive me to the brink of insanity. With the amount of British accents present, you would think it would be incredible grating and over the top, but no, the voice work actually enhances the story. Nuances can be picked up if you actually stop and listen to the plot advancing, one suspect at a time.
Music is nearly non-existent but the ambient noise is not intrusive either, so given the excellent voice work, we will just call this one a wash.
Achievements
With a guide, this is one of the fastest 1k's available. Only 4 achievements are miss-able and the rest you will earn naturally by finishing the story.
Conclusion
Well, the graphics are horrendous and the control will make you scream before you submit and accept it as your master, but to be brutally honest?
I found the game to actually be fairly amusing.
Granted, that is almost entirely because of the historical accuracy on display throughout the entire game and my own background in History. The old-school adventure gameplay is also charming once you realize exactly what it is you are getting yourself into with this game. Sherlock Holmes versus Jack the Ripper is such an acquired taste that I can not recommend this for everyone.
If the thought of old school adventure in a historical setting sounds remotely appealing to you, then grab this one on the cheap and have a fun weekend.
If the thought of having to read while playing a game confuses you, then stay away.
(TrueAchievements Repost): Alan Wake Review
Alan Wake is a very tough game to review. The major draw for this game is the storyline, which stands head and shoulders above most other 360 games. The influences of Stephen King and David Lynch are felt all throughout the game, in particular, the closing music of Episode 1 which is straight out of David Lynch's Blue Velvet, starring the late, great Dennis Hopper. Ultimately, as with the work of David Lynch, everyone will walk away with a different experience from Alan Wake.
Gameplay
The theme of light and dark is taken quite literally when it comes time to actually play the game. Using a flashlight, you have to remove protective layers of darkness before opening fire with a trusty sidearm. I for one, never got bored of this, not once environmental hazards such as loose power lines and red exploding barrels were introduced. The cast of enemies is very, very small and the constant need to shine light first, shoot second could get old for some people very, very quickly.
When you are not shining light on the denizens of darkness you are engaging in some very light puzzle solving. This is basic "hit a switch" puzzling and only serves to break up the gunplay. Vehicle sections also break up the action but they work nicely into the plot and when they do pop up, are a welcome diversion.
A major problem with the puzzle solving, running and gunning gameplay however is that at all times you are reminded Alan Wake is a video game. The ever present HUD always shows you where to go and as a result, the tension level is not as high as it could be had the game been HUDless. The option to turn it off does not exist.
Graphics
It is painfully obvious that the majority of the graphical horsepower went to the lighting effects. The lighting is amazing, easily the best I have ever seen. The character models on the other hand would not be out of place in a PS2 game. Do yourself a favor, and when characters are talking, try not to look at their mouths.
They did manage to make Alan's wife appear to be wearing painted on jeans, so that is a plus.
Controls
Clunky is a nice way to put it. The game demands tight control while playing on Nightmare difficulty but it will fight you. Alan turns slowly and the aiming can be very awkward, both with your flashlight and a gun. Alan is not a space marine, he is a writer, but moving *that* slow is just annoying.
Sound and Music
Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick is the soundtrack for this game amazing. Every chapter ends just as television episode would, with a closing song that accurately captures the mood. The song choice at the end of Chapter 1 is what hooked me, but it was one sequence during Chapter 4 that had the best dichotomy of music to in game action that I have witnessed in years. In fact, that moment gets its very own call out.
The Moment
Every game, no matter what genre or platform, has The Moment. That One Thing which happens and makes you sit up and go "DAMN!" Final Fantasy 7, with the murder of Aeris, is perhaps the easiest example to recognize. Alan Wake, towards the end of Chapter 4 as you're approaching an old, decrepit stage in the middle of a field....it has one of those moments. Gameplay and music meld and make you feel like you are an unstoppable force of destruction.
Achievements
Some of the collectibles in this game, such as the manuscript pages, tv shows and radio shows reveal bits about the world of Alan Wake and are worth your time to collect. TV shows, especially those that are showing "Night Springs", think The Twilight Zone, are really cool. A guide is recommended if you want all the achievements, and a second play through is mandatory, but if you skip the story completely it is a quick game.
Conclusion
Gameplay is fun and different but not for everyone as it can get old quick if the plot does not grab you around the neck like Andre the Giant. Music is amazing and an example of the right way to work it into a game. The abundance of collectibles can be daunting for achievement seekers but the real issue comes from the horrible character models and clunky controls.
The very best part of the game can not be mentioned, as that is the plot. If you are looking for something different, Alan Wake is an unique experience. It may just last you a weekend, but like a good book, you will go cover to cover.
Gameplay
The theme of light and dark is taken quite literally when it comes time to actually play the game. Using a flashlight, you have to remove protective layers of darkness before opening fire with a trusty sidearm. I for one, never got bored of this, not once environmental hazards such as loose power lines and red exploding barrels were introduced. The cast of enemies is very, very small and the constant need to shine light first, shoot second could get old for some people very, very quickly.
When you are not shining light on the denizens of darkness you are engaging in some very light puzzle solving. This is basic "hit a switch" puzzling and only serves to break up the gunplay. Vehicle sections also break up the action but they work nicely into the plot and when they do pop up, are a welcome diversion.
A major problem with the puzzle solving, running and gunning gameplay however is that at all times you are reminded Alan Wake is a video game. The ever present HUD always shows you where to go and as a result, the tension level is not as high as it could be had the game been HUDless. The option to turn it off does not exist.
Graphics
It is painfully obvious that the majority of the graphical horsepower went to the lighting effects. The lighting is amazing, easily the best I have ever seen. The character models on the other hand would not be out of place in a PS2 game. Do yourself a favor, and when characters are talking, try not to look at their mouths.
They did manage to make Alan's wife appear to be wearing painted on jeans, so that is a plus.
Controls
Clunky is a nice way to put it. The game demands tight control while playing on Nightmare difficulty but it will fight you. Alan turns slowly and the aiming can be very awkward, both with your flashlight and a gun. Alan is not a space marine, he is a writer, but moving *that* slow is just annoying.
Sound and Music
Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick is the soundtrack for this game amazing. Every chapter ends just as television episode would, with a closing song that accurately captures the mood. The song choice at the end of Chapter 1 is what hooked me, but it was one sequence during Chapter 4 that had the best dichotomy of music to in game action that I have witnessed in years. In fact, that moment gets its very own call out.
The Moment
Every game, no matter what genre or platform, has The Moment. That One Thing which happens and makes you sit up and go "DAMN!" Final Fantasy 7, with the murder of Aeris, is perhaps the easiest example to recognize. Alan Wake, towards the end of Chapter 4 as you're approaching an old, decrepit stage in the middle of a field....it has one of those moments. Gameplay and music meld and make you feel like you are an unstoppable force of destruction.
Achievements
Some of the collectibles in this game, such as the manuscript pages, tv shows and radio shows reveal bits about the world of Alan Wake and are worth your time to collect. TV shows, especially those that are showing "Night Springs", think The Twilight Zone, are really cool. A guide is recommended if you want all the achievements, and a second play through is mandatory, but if you skip the story completely it is a quick game.
Conclusion
Gameplay is fun and different but not for everyone as it can get old quick if the plot does not grab you around the neck like Andre the Giant. Music is amazing and an example of the right way to work it into a game. The abundance of collectibles can be daunting for achievement seekers but the real issue comes from the horrible character models and clunky controls.
The very best part of the game can not be mentioned, as that is the plot. If you are looking for something different, Alan Wake is an unique experience. It may just last you a weekend, but like a good book, you will go cover to cover.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Transformers Multiplayer: How I Learned To Sneak Up and Insta-Gib
Transformers: War for Cybertron has an actual, Call of Duty influenced online mode that shockingly, is quite good. It is class based with each class having its own abilities, weapons and vehicle mode. The Scout can cloak, use both a shotgun and the sniper rifle. They transform into very quick moving, machine gun packing cars. Oh, and if you sneeze on them, they die. Yup, each class has different health bars. The Scout only has 4 bars of health.
Now the Soldier, the bulky longest health bar in the game minigun packing tank (no really, they turn into tanks) is my least favorite class. They move soooo slow and with the exception of the minigun, their weapons are horrible.
The Leader is front line support with heavy, explosive weapons. Buff allies, shield allies and blow the crap out of things with grenades and a high powered ion cannon. Like Optimus Prime, they turn into trucks. I also hate this class. Again, slow, unwieldy and my aim is horrible with that Ion Cannon.
The Scientist, widely considered to be the weakest class with a health bar of 3 blocks, can be killed by being looked at funny. They turn into Jets, can fly (or hover really), heal allies, spawn a defensive sentry or, my personal favorite, disguise themselves as a Scientist on the enemy team. In a great touch, the Autobot/Deception emblem does NOT change. Easily the best part of multiplayer is disguising yourself, weaseling your way in close to an enemy, and blowing them away in one shot with the EMP shotgun. Your not invisible, so you have to play the part and "hide in plain sight" in order to succeed. The playstyle required is unlike anything, outside of course of the Spy in Team Fortress 2. Even then, the spy had to backstab someone, the Scientist?
Shotgun to the face. Much more satisfying.
Sadly Tranformers uses the Gears of War 2 ranking system. Halfway to level 25 is level 18. Yup. I'm going to spend a very long time playing this game in order to max out each class.
Now the Soldier, the bulky longest health bar in the game minigun packing tank (no really, they turn into tanks) is my least favorite class. They move soooo slow and with the exception of the minigun, their weapons are horrible.
The Leader is front line support with heavy, explosive weapons. Buff allies, shield allies and blow the crap out of things with grenades and a high powered ion cannon. Like Optimus Prime, they turn into trucks. I also hate this class. Again, slow, unwieldy and my aim is horrible with that Ion Cannon.
The Scientist, widely considered to be the weakest class with a health bar of 3 blocks, can be killed by being looked at funny. They turn into Jets, can fly (or hover really), heal allies, spawn a defensive sentry or, my personal favorite, disguise themselves as a Scientist on the enemy team. In a great touch, the Autobot/Deception emblem does NOT change. Easily the best part of multiplayer is disguising yourself, weaseling your way in close to an enemy, and blowing them away in one shot with the EMP shotgun. Your not invisible, so you have to play the part and "hide in plain sight" in order to succeed. The playstyle required is unlike anything, outside of course of the Spy in Team Fortress 2. Even then, the spy had to backstab someone, the Scientist?
Shotgun to the face. Much more satisfying.
Sadly Tranformers uses the Gears of War 2 ranking system. Halfway to level 25 is level 18. Yup. I'm going to spend a very long time playing this game in order to max out each class.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Dante's Inferno: From AWESOME to BLAH in 3 Levels
I have tried a few times now to put my thoughts regarding Dante's Inferno into writing. An essay on how the level design is a great strength for the first two levels, and a major weakness through the backend of the game. Starting off with the very first soul you can punish or absolve is Pontius Pilate really sets the mood. By the end, you're encountering such legendary historical figures as "Merchant from Florence." If you're going to adhere to the actual epic poem, well, don't. You already have Dante wandering through Hell using Death's Scythe to cleave demons in half. "Faithfulness to source material" is a Charon that has already sailed.
Again, after writing that paragraph, I had to pause for a few minutes and do something else (reading a WWE Money in the Bank PPV recap) before continuing. I am THAT ANGRY over what a WASTED OPPORTUNITY this game is! The great moments just...run out...and by the time you get Heresy, which has no boss....at all....it's like the designers gave up. Anger is another circle that is just dull. No boss, just a series of fights while dealing with a giant demon that in turn, leads to a fairly cool moment. For five seconds. Then poor design brings it right back down to earth again.
I can not fault the graphics or the control, which is tight like the backside of Emma Watson. (She's 18 right?) The music, well that I can fault. There is not much music to be found in the depths of Hell. What little is used, serves to highlight the action on screen which is cool and all but the ambient sounds gave the Wife of Thunder (WoT) a headache.
In fact, the ambient sounds are perhaps more annoying than the seagulls from Deadliest Catch. Climbable surfaces are made of screaming souls that DO NOT SHUT UP. Some of them shout things specific to that circle, such as "I'll slit your throat and feed it to you" in the Circle of Violence. Most though, are just moanings and wailings. Nevermind the disturbing noises of the evil demonic babies with razorblade arms.
This is a game that for the first two levels, I thought was amazing. Then merely good for the next two (Gluttony and Greed), but once it hit the fifth level, Anger, I just wanted to get it over with as soon as I could. The final boss fight against Lucifer was satisfying at least. The ending? Not so much.
Is Visceral really, honestly planning on a sequel for Purgatory? I've read that poem too, and unlike the Inferno which lends itself quite well to a video game translation actually, Purgatory does not. The essence of Purgatory is that it is a place of...well...waiting. Not good, not bad, just boring.
Which sounds an awful lot like a game they already made.
Again, after writing that paragraph, I had to pause for a few minutes and do something else (reading a WWE Money in the Bank PPV recap) before continuing. I am THAT ANGRY over what a WASTED OPPORTUNITY this game is! The great moments just...run out...and by the time you get Heresy, which has no boss....at all....it's like the designers gave up. Anger is another circle that is just dull. No boss, just a series of fights while dealing with a giant demon that in turn, leads to a fairly cool moment. For five seconds. Then poor design brings it right back down to earth again.
I can not fault the graphics or the control, which is tight like the backside of Emma Watson. (She's 18 right?) The music, well that I can fault. There is not much music to be found in the depths of Hell. What little is used, serves to highlight the action on screen which is cool and all but the ambient sounds gave the Wife of Thunder (WoT) a headache.
In fact, the ambient sounds are perhaps more annoying than the seagulls from Deadliest Catch. Climbable surfaces are made of screaming souls that DO NOT SHUT UP. Some of them shout things specific to that circle, such as "I'll slit your throat and feed it to you" in the Circle of Violence. Most though, are just moanings and wailings. Nevermind the disturbing noises of the evil demonic babies with razorblade arms.
This is a game that for the first two levels, I thought was amazing. Then merely good for the next two (Gluttony and Greed), but once it hit the fifth level, Anger, I just wanted to get it over with as soon as I could. The final boss fight against Lucifer was satisfying at least. The ending? Not so much.
Is Visceral really, honestly planning on a sequel for Purgatory? I've read that poem too, and unlike the Inferno which lends itself quite well to a video game translation actually, Purgatory does not. The essence of Purgatory is that it is a place of...well...waiting. Not good, not bad, just boring.
Which sounds an awful lot like a game they already made.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Record of Agarest War Unboxing
Unboxing video guest starring the Wife of Thunder. I would've bet money on her response being that it was a Hentai game.
I'll hopefully start playing and recording on Monday, but due to the sheer amount of other games coming in the mail, that'll be pushed back to Wednesday. I've got to run through CSI: Hard Evidence, provided by the 360voice Free Rental program, first and then LEGO Batman....and then WANTED....and THEN I can really get going on my own games.
It's going to be a busy summer of gaming, but with my new Dazzle HD Pro, everyone will get to enjoy it with me!
I'll hopefully start playing and recording on Monday, but due to the sheer amount of other games coming in the mail, that'll be pushed back to Wednesday. I've got to run through CSI: Hard Evidence, provided by the 360voice Free Rental program, first and then LEGO Batman....and then WANTED....and THEN I can really get going on my own games.
It's going to be a busy summer of gaming, but with my new Dazzle HD Pro, everyone will get to enjoy it with me!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Never Judge A Game By Its Cover
Again, trying this out for submission to TA, I'm taking another stab at the RPG's influence across other genres next week, especially after a lively debate about Borderlands on 360voice.
By day I may be an avid gamer, but by night I work as a college librarian. Part of my job is suggesting books for the students which is a lot harder then going for "Grand Pearl Poo-bah" in Hexic HD. A major problem I have is getting students to even look at a book without the book jacket. It is disturbing how many college students will read a book if it "looks good." It's a book! It looks like someone was writing on paper!
This got me thinking about Onechanabra: Bikini Samurai Squad. Not only is this game cursed with an obnoxious title (or a great one depending on your point of view), but it also has some of the worst cover art. All that is depicted is Aya, one of the main characters, standing there in her cowboy hat and bikini. Normally a cover would not dissuade people from picking up a game but this particular cover of a scantily clad Japanese woman can, and most likely has, turned people away from what is actually a really good game.
Here's a linkie to the cover art so you can see this for yourself: http://www.forevergeek.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/onechanbara.jpg
Now, how many people would lump that in with other scantily clad covers such as X-Blades and even Dead or Alive Extreme 2? I will hazard a guess and say most of you did just that. Well don't, because what this cover is concealing, beside a pair of legs that go for miles, is some of the best hack and slash gameplay on the 360. No really, do not be fooled by the bikini or the school girl outfit, the timing based combo system of Onechanabra takes serious skill to reach the full potential.
Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad is the perfect storm of a bad title and a bad cover masking great gameplay. Even if the cover was changed to show Aya fighting off a horde of zombies, it would be a more accurate representation of the game. I mean come on, zombies! Every gamer's favorite mindless cannon fodder! I know people that buy games specifically because it has zombies! The back of the Onechanbara box does mention the zombies, but to reach that, you have to pick up the bikini clad cover and turn it over.
The dilemma Onechanbara faces is akin to a Playboy with a really good article inside. Do not be embarrassed to pick it up. Just like I tell male students, there is nothing wrong with picking up a "girly" looking book such as Pride and Prejudice....the version without the zombies....or even Emma, another great work by Jane Austen. Along those lines, I also enjoyed Vanity Fair. You already have an image in your mind about those books based off of society but those books are also some of the greatest of all time.
Do not play a game simply because it might be embarrassing to walk up to the cash register with it, you might be missing out on a great experience.
By day I may be an avid gamer, but by night I work as a college librarian. Part of my job is suggesting books for the students which is a lot harder then going for "Grand Pearl Poo-bah" in Hexic HD. A major problem I have is getting students to even look at a book without the book jacket. It is disturbing how many college students will read a book if it "looks good." It's a book! It looks like someone was writing on paper!
This got me thinking about Onechanabra: Bikini Samurai Squad. Not only is this game cursed with an obnoxious title (or a great one depending on your point of view), but it also has some of the worst cover art. All that is depicted is Aya, one of the main characters, standing there in her cowboy hat and bikini. Normally a cover would not dissuade people from picking up a game but this particular cover of a scantily clad Japanese woman can, and most likely has, turned people away from what is actually a really good game.
Here's a linkie to the cover art so you can see this for yourself: http://www.forevergeek.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/onechanbara.jpg
Now, how many people would lump that in with other scantily clad covers such as X-Blades and even Dead or Alive Extreme 2? I will hazard a guess and say most of you did just that. Well don't, because what this cover is concealing, beside a pair of legs that go for miles, is some of the best hack and slash gameplay on the 360. No really, do not be fooled by the bikini or the school girl outfit, the timing based combo system of Onechanabra takes serious skill to reach the full potential.
Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad is the perfect storm of a bad title and a bad cover masking great gameplay. Even if the cover was changed to show Aya fighting off a horde of zombies, it would be a more accurate representation of the game. I mean come on, zombies! Every gamer's favorite mindless cannon fodder! I know people that buy games specifically because it has zombies! The back of the Onechanbara box does mention the zombies, but to reach that, you have to pick up the bikini clad cover and turn it over.
The dilemma Onechanbara faces is akin to a Playboy with a really good article inside. Do not be embarrassed to pick it up. Just like I tell male students, there is nothing wrong with picking up a "girly" looking book such as Pride and Prejudice....the version without the zombies....or even Emma, another great work by Jane Austen. Along those lines, I also enjoyed Vanity Fair. You already have an image in your mind about those books based off of society but those books are also some of the greatest of all time.
Do not play a game simply because it might be embarrassing to walk up to the cash register with it, you might be missing out on a great experience.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
What to Buy Dog For His Graduation
http://www.gamestop.com/Catalog/ProductDetails.aspx?product_id=76979
The "Really Naughty Edition" of an Aksys strategy RPG. Ah Aksys, I sure do mention them a lot don't I? So I know I'll enjoy the actual game itself, but how can I resist THAT mousepad? Just the look on Mrs. Dog's face alone would make it worthwhile, nevermind the "Yearning Ellis" pillowcase, or the um, suggestive artwork on the case *and* the game CDs. Now that's fan-service dedication that I can respect.
Friday, February 12, 2010
What I Played This Week: Larry, Logan, RPG Maker 2003
Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust, as you learned from this week's vlog, got my DoAX2 playing time. It's a horrible, horrible game but I'm at the second dreamscape now which I'll be tackling Monday. It's the Horror dreamscape and after the insanity that was the Wild West, I can only guess how bad this ones going to get. Oh don't worry, you'll hear about it.
When not punishing myself, I started work on X-Men Origins: Wolverine. This game has such a one-track mind on slaughtering hundreds of enemies that you can't help but love it. The kills are bloody and brutal, the controls are solid, graphics are good (not great, but pretty good). I'm having pure fun playing this game and destroying my enemies in all sorts of styles, including impalement, fire, electrocution and good old fashioned, lunge + claws to the face.
Of course I can't play those while at work, and when it's really slow, that's time to bust out the RPG Maker 2003 on my flashdrive! Oh lord, the games you can find through this are unbelievable. Most are of course, "epic, episodic adventures!" with "grand, epic sweeping storylines!" but then, you come across something like this little series:
Generica: The Generic NES RPG
It's an amazing throwback to the real old-school console RPGs. For starters, the story is to retrieve the Generica Gladius which is the only weapon that can kill the Dark Lord. That's it. THAT'S IT. The gameplay is just as bare bones as the story, but it's oddly...addictive. It appeals to the dungeon grinder in me from Final Fantasy and Dragon Warrior 3. Generica is easily at the top rung of RPG Maker 2003 titles.
When not punishing myself, I started work on X-Men Origins: Wolverine. This game has such a one-track mind on slaughtering hundreds of enemies that you can't help but love it. The kills are bloody and brutal, the controls are solid, graphics are good (not great, but pretty good). I'm having pure fun playing this game and destroying my enemies in all sorts of styles, including impalement, fire, electrocution and good old fashioned, lunge + claws to the face.
Of course I can't play those while at work, and when it's really slow, that's time to bust out the RPG Maker 2003 on my flashdrive! Oh lord, the games you can find through this are unbelievable. Most are of course, "epic, episodic adventures!" with "grand, epic sweeping storylines!" but then, you come across something like this little series:
Generica: The Generic NES RPG
It's an amazing throwback to the real old-school console RPGs. For starters, the story is to retrieve the Generica Gladius which is the only weapon that can kill the Dark Lord. That's it. THAT'S IT. The gameplay is just as bare bones as the story, but it's oddly...addictive. It appeals to the dungeon grinder in me from Final Fantasy and Dragon Warrior 3. Generica is easily at the top rung of RPG Maker 2003 titles.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
DoAX2 - Day 70 - WHAMMIE! Edition
Remember that old game show, Press Your Luck? The one with the video board that had squares for money, BIG money and the turn ending, money stealing Whammies? Well today I got a little overconfident and ended up landing on a Whammie. See, I got into a really good roll gifting to Christie. 2 million dollar suits down, Ptarmigian and Grekle, with just the Thrush left to go. So of course, what did I do? I tried to gift her the Thrush. WHAMMIE~!
It didn't work, and since I was on Day 12 of my vacation already, I spent the rest of the time just playing volleyball. Down to $9 million after today's spending binge, my mad volleyball skillz are only helping to stem the bleeding. Ohwell, at least I have Christie down to 3 more suits! THREE! That's it!
Hitomi on the other hand is still annoying me. Hitomi now has 26 of 32 suits, I marked off two on my spreadsheet that she apparently, does not actually have. I hate when that happens. I will say that I started playing at quarter of 2 today and did not stop until quarter of 3. I only wanted to run through a 15-20 minute session but I got sucked in against my will.
It didn't work, and since I was on Day 12 of my vacation already, I spent the rest of the time just playing volleyball. Down to $9 million after today's spending binge, my mad volleyball skillz are only helping to stem the bleeding. Ohwell, at least I have Christie down to 3 more suits! THREE! That's it!
Hitomi on the other hand is still annoying me. Hitomi now has 26 of 32 suits, I marked off two on my spreadsheet that she apparently, does not actually have. I hate when that happens. I will say that I started playing at quarter of 2 today and did not stop until quarter of 3. I only wanted to run through a 15-20 minute session but I got sucked in against my will.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Dead or Alive Extreme 2 - Day 69 (Teehee)
Oh Day 69, how I have been looking forward to this moment. Too bad the reality is nothing like what my fantasy looked like, especially since today did not involve Kasumi at all. Instead Hitomi continued to hate me, Tina had my back (and a pair of 375,000 swimsuits) and Christie is, at this rate, going to be the first girl with 2 friends. Now that would be an upset.
Ideally I'd get Christie's achievement and then Hitomi's right after, but I have yet to successfully gift to Hitomi. I had a GREAT rhythm going before for gifting to her but now, like my skill at the piano, it is gone. Gone and never to return.
On the bright side I figured out the Pool Hopping mini game. Yeah, it's an easy game, just tapping the colors that correspond with the floats that the girls are walking over, but I could never get the right combination of "quick tap"/"hold" to successfully pull it off. Well today I did! And it was not worth it!
Waiter! More Volleyball!
Ideally I'd get Christie's achievement and then Hitomi's right after, but I have yet to successfully gift to Hitomi. I had a GREAT rhythm going before for gifting to her but now, like my skill at the piano, it is gone. Gone and never to return.
On the bright side I figured out the Pool Hopping mini game. Yeah, it's an easy game, just tapping the colors that correspond with the floats that the girls are walking over, but I could never get the right combination of "quick tap"/"hold" to successfully pull it off. Well today I did! And it was not worth it!
Waiter! More Volleyball!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Dead or Alive Extreme 2 - Day 68
Started a new vacation fresh with Lei Fang. Tina as my partner yet again and the goal is to gift more expensive suits to Hitomi and Christie (whom already has 2 of Lei Fang's million dollar suits). That was the plan at least, what ended up happening was far more frustrating.
I got Christie to like me easily enough. Considering she can ONLY be gifted during the morning, Christie takes longer then all the other girls. Which makes it odd that it's been Hitomi giving me problems. I waited until Day 6 to gift her a suit, after buttering her up throughout the previous days, and sure enough, she rejected me. got her back up to maximum love notes on day 8, and again, total rejection. The second time she ended up hating me.
I called it a day after that debacle. Final tally: 2 more suits for Christie, 2 more suits for Tina. So I got SOMETHING done at least.
I got Christie to like me easily enough. Considering she can ONLY be gifted during the morning, Christie takes longer then all the other girls. Which makes it odd that it's been Hitomi giving me problems. I waited until Day 6 to gift her a suit, after buttering her up throughout the previous days, and sure enough, she rejected me. got her back up to maximum love notes on day 8, and again, total rejection. The second time she ended up hating me.
I called it a day after that debacle. Final tally: 2 more suits for Christie, 2 more suits for Tina. So I got SOMETHING done at least.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Dead Or Alive Extreme 2 - The Saga Begins For The Second Time
The quest: To find the Holy Grail. No, not the Holy Grail from Castle Anthrax, rather the Holy Grail of Completed Xbox 360 Games. 100% in Dead or Alive Extreme 2. Without using the casino glitch for money. That's right, nothing but tons of volleyball and jetskis to buy all the suits that I need. It's painful, especially the music. When a game includes Hillary Duff AND the Baha Men in its soundtrack, you know it's going to hurt.
That being said, after 67 days of playing, over 200 hours, I finished Ayane's suits. Every girl has all 33 suits of Ayane, in theory, since when I played today and cleaned out Hitomi's inventory she was missing two of Ayane's suits. Thankfully, I also noticed she has 2/3rds of Lei-Fang's collection. A faint glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
As my schedule settles down, I'll be playing this on a regular basis, updating every day I play. So (re)join me for this exercise in futility.
Tomorrow I'll be recording another video entry, discussing Guilty Gear 2's assault on the English language, the film Daybreakers and yelling at you all to check out Dollhouse on DVD.
That being said, after 67 days of playing, over 200 hours, I finished Ayane's suits. Every girl has all 33 suits of Ayane, in theory, since when I played today and cleaned out Hitomi's inventory she was missing two of Ayane's suits. Thankfully, I also noticed she has 2/3rds of Lei-Fang's collection. A faint glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
As my schedule settles down, I'll be playing this on a regular basis, updating every day I play. So (re)join me for this exercise in futility.
Tomorrow I'll be recording another video entry, discussing Guilty Gear 2's assault on the English language, the film Daybreakers and yelling at you all to check out Dollhouse on DVD.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Pimp My Ride Review
After a long hiatus, Dog of Thunder is back in the hood to share with you his thoughts on a title available for $20 or less at Gamestop.
Dog's Dumpster Dive Presents
Pimp My Ride
or
No b*tches or 'Hos Were Slapped In The Making Of This Review
First off, as of today, we are 15 days away from the 1 year anniversary of my first review: Saint's Row. Just felt like mentioning that since today's game is similar to Saint's Row. It has driving in a free roam environment...and uh, "bling" and well, it's about Pimping, so I'm sure it also has pornstars, fluffers, 'hos, big purple hats, and things going on in the backseat of a car. Right?
No? Pimp My Ride has NONE of that but Saint's Row does? Alright, so what do they have in common?
Cars. That's it. Saint's Row has a more authentic "street" experience then this game. When a game that allows you to make a pasty white guy with asthma and a poor complexion join an inner-city street gang has more of a "street" experience then you, there's something wrong. Like Red Dwarf: Back to Earth sort of wrong.
The "wrong" in this case is that Pimp My Ride does not involve actually pimping. That might actually have been an interesting game. Nope, instead this is a game based directly off of Pimp My Ride, the MTV show that features Xzibit taking crappy rides of photogenic, average kids in LA and taking them to the garage to get PIMPED! This process usually involves a new paint job, a new engine, custom details based off of the kids interest, a sharp spike in their insurance rate and then their ride gets stolen because they live in LA, driving a PIMPED out ride. I really want to see a Pimp My Ride follow up special.
The Studio That Is RESPONSIBLE THIS
Eutechnyx, a European game developer. That's ironic because "bling" in Europe is straight teeth. I keed, I keed. I love Europe. They gave us X-Blades. No, what makes Eutechnyx special is that their specialty is racing games. Big Mutha Truckers, Fast and Furious, and another 360 title they are responsible for: Hot Wheels: Beat That! This falls under "facts Dog wishes he knew before playing this game."
For your personal amusement, a direct quote from the Eutechnyx website, I suggest you don't take that sip of coffee just yet, wait until after you read this so you don't spit it over your keyboard:
Just keep this quote in mind. I'll refer back to it in about 500 words.
The Plot
I've put off the actual game discussion long enough, so here's the plot. You're a "Pimp in the Making" in Pimp City that has to Pimp Out rides for photogenic, generic teenagers in Pimp City. Xzibit is on hand to guide you through the process, because when you think Pimp, you think Xzibit and not, say, Snoop Dogg, or Ice-T, both of whom really were Pimps.
Anyone else find it ironic that Ice-T plays a cop on Law and Order: SVU now? Just me? The guy that rapped "F*ck the police" and all? No? Alright, moving on then before I really start dating myself.
For the record, this is a Pimp:
This is a Pimp:
And this is even a Pimp:
This is NOT a Pimp:
Gameplay
In order to Pimp Rides, you have two game phases. The Cash Roam, and the Pimping Phase. In Cash Roam, you get to drive around Pimp City, breaking billboards, parking meters, collecting cash tokens and Ghost Riding Your Whip.
Ahem. For the white boys in the audience, or those that don't watch Girls Next Door like I do and missed the episode with Kendra (the Hood Bunny) explaining what "Ghost Ride Your Whip" is, here's a definition from UrbanDictionary:
In the game? You have two variations of Ghost Ride. One is called "Ghost Ride Your Whip" and you have to follow a series of button presses on the screen. It gets more complicated as you go, but not by much. The best part is seeing your character actually dance. When that's the best part, you know I'm really stretching for a compliment.
The other Ghost Ride variation is called Hot Steppin'. You press the A button when it passes through the bar at the bottom of the screen. That's it. Moving on!
So once you finish the Cash Roam, which is boring as all get out, you get to PIMP that Ride! In 2 minutes! There's a two minute timer that is merciless. Jabootu help you if you want to get a perfect pimp. That involves finding the "Secret" supplier during the cash roam, finding his shop in the Pimp phase, succeeding in all of Xzibit's challenges (which are "Get to this spot in 30 secs" events, transporter times in Red Faction Guerrilla are more merciful then these events!) AND getting to the supply shops in time. HAVE FUN!
Oh crap. I forgot to mention the "Please the Crowd" event in Cash Roam. You press buttons that appear on screen. See a pattern?
Of course the real crime with this gameplay, beyond the brutal time limit for Pimping, is that it NEVER changes. You always do the same things, for every car. This game repeats itself more then Andrew Dice Clay and his one joke.
Controls
As promised, remember that Eutechnyx quote referring to their specialty in driving physics and control? I really wonder what game they were talking about because in this one, the control sucks. You drive so fast that you feel out of control. Your car can not go over the smallest of bumps. This will get annoying. I promise. In fact, this one little control issue almost brings the whole game down, but when you're already in the lowest circle of hell, that doesn't mean much.
Sound
YO! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE BLACKS AND THE BROWNS!
WHY THE HATE? YOU REMEMBER THE END OF THAT MOVIE SAW, WHERE THOSE TWO DUDES WERE DYING AND THE MAASTERMIND WAS LYIN' THERE THE WHOLE TIME?
We get it. Kill Whitey. Now shut up and switch to the othe...oh. my. god. There's one song? Per section? And each section has...three cars to Pimp...oh god....hey wait a minute, the song restarted once I got done with the event and...NO I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE BLACK AND THE BROWN! I'M A WHITE DUDE FROM SUBURBIA! BOW BEFORE ME AND MY LACK OF ATHLETIC ABILITY!
Achievements
Knock off all signs/parking meters/coins, finish all levels, complete all Cruisin' events, Perfect Pimp all Cars.
What? PERFECT PIMP ALL CARS!?
^#$&^%#$#$
First off, as of today, we are 15 days away from the 1 year anniversary of my first review: Saint's Row. Just felt like mentioning that since today's game is similar to Saint's Row. It has driving in a free roam environment...and uh, "bling" and well, it's about Pimping, so I'm sure it also has pornstars, fluffers, 'hos, big purple hats, and things going on in the backseat of a car. Right?
No? Pimp My Ride has NONE of that but Saint's Row does? Alright, so what do they have in common?
Cars. That's it. Saint's Row has a more authentic "street" experience then this game. When a game that allows you to make a pasty white guy with asthma and a poor complexion join an inner-city street gang has more of a "street" experience then you, there's something wrong. Like Red Dwarf: Back to Earth sort of wrong.
The "wrong" in this case is that Pimp My Ride does not involve actually pimping. That might actually have been an interesting game. Nope, instead this is a game based directly off of Pimp My Ride, the MTV show that features Xzibit taking crappy rides of photogenic, average kids in LA and taking them to the garage to get PIMPED! This process usually involves a new paint job, a new engine, custom details based off of the kids interest, a sharp spike in their insurance rate and then their ride gets stolen because they live in LA, driving a PIMPED out ride. I really want to see a Pimp My Ride follow up special.
The Studio That Is RESPONSIBLE THIS
Eutechnyx, a European game developer. That's ironic because "bling" in Europe is straight teeth. I keed, I keed. I love Europe. They gave us X-Blades. No, what makes Eutechnyx special is that their specialty is racing games. Big Mutha Truckers, Fast and Furious, and another 360 title they are responsible for: Hot Wheels: Beat That! This falls under "facts Dog wishes he knew before playing this game."
For your personal amusement, a direct quote from the Eutechnyx website, I suggest you don't take that sip of coffee just yet, wait until after you read this so you don't spit it over your keyboard:
quote:
Our driving and racing game technology is respected throughout the gaming industry. We have particular expertise in high level mathematics and physics, essential in recreating the complex dynamics of vehicle movement.
Just keep this quote in mind. I'll refer back to it in about 500 words.
The Plot
I've put off the actual game discussion long enough, so here's the plot. You're a "Pimp in the Making" in Pimp City that has to Pimp Out rides for photogenic, generic teenagers in Pimp City. Xzibit is on hand to guide you through the process, because when you think Pimp, you think Xzibit and not, say, Snoop Dogg, or Ice-T, both of whom really were Pimps.
Anyone else find it ironic that Ice-T plays a cop on Law and Order: SVU now? Just me? The guy that rapped "F*ck the police" and all? No? Alright, moving on then before I really start dating myself.
For the record, this is a Pimp:
This is a Pimp:
And this is even a Pimp:
This is NOT a Pimp:
Gameplay
In order to Pimp Rides, you have two game phases. The Cash Roam, and the Pimping Phase. In Cash Roam, you get to drive around Pimp City, breaking billboards, parking meters, collecting cash tokens and Ghost Riding Your Whip.
Ahem. For the white boys in the audience, or those that don't watch Girls Next Door like I do and missed the episode with Kendra (the Hood Bunny) explaining what "Ghost Ride Your Whip" is, here's a definition from UrbanDictionary:
quote:
Ghost Ride The Whip - To "ghost ride" or "ghost riding" is when a driver places his car in neutral, or cruises at a low speed approx. 5-10 mph everyone in the vehicle opens all the doors and walks along side the car, steps on the hood or the roof of the car while dancing to heart pounding rap music.
"Ghost riding" was invented in the Country Club Crest of Vallejo, Ca by rap artist: J Diggs, then was popularized by E 40 in his hit video "Tell me when to go". The "REAL" Ghost ridn' can be seen on "Treal Tv #2", J Diggs shows where it came from and how to "ghost ride your whip.
Ghost riding started off as a neighborhood expression, then later a city thing, to a Bay Area thing, now a worldwide expression of having fun and has become the culture of many youth in today's world starting from the Bay Area in Northern California
In the game? You have two variations of Ghost Ride. One is called "Ghost Ride Your Whip" and you have to follow a series of button presses on the screen. It gets more complicated as you go, but not by much. The best part is seeing your character actually dance. When that's the best part, you know I'm really stretching for a compliment.
The other Ghost Ride variation is called Hot Steppin'. You press the A button when it passes through the bar at the bottom of the screen. That's it. Moving on!
So once you finish the Cash Roam, which is boring as all get out, you get to PIMP that Ride! In 2 minutes! There's a two minute timer that is merciless. Jabootu help you if you want to get a perfect pimp. That involves finding the "Secret" supplier during the cash roam, finding his shop in the Pimp phase, succeeding in all of Xzibit's challenges (which are "Get to this spot in 30 secs" events, transporter times in Red Faction Guerrilla are more merciful then these events!) AND getting to the supply shops in time. HAVE FUN!
Oh crap. I forgot to mention the "Please the Crowd" event in Cash Roam. You press buttons that appear on screen. See a pattern?
Of course the real crime with this gameplay, beyond the brutal time limit for Pimping, is that it NEVER changes. You always do the same things, for every car. This game repeats itself more then Andrew Dice Clay and his one joke.
Controls
As promised, remember that Eutechnyx quote referring to their specialty in driving physics and control? I really wonder what game they were talking about because in this one, the control sucks. You drive so fast that you feel out of control. Your car can not go over the smallest of bumps. This will get annoying. I promise. In fact, this one little control issue almost brings the whole game down, but when you're already in the lowest circle of hell, that doesn't mean much.
Sound
YO! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE BLACKS AND THE BROWNS!
WHY THE HATE? YOU REMEMBER THE END OF THAT MOVIE SAW, WHERE THOSE TWO DUDES WERE DYING AND THE MAASTERMIND WAS LYIN' THERE THE WHOLE TIME?
We get it. Kill Whitey. Now shut up and switch to the othe...oh. my. god. There's one song? Per section? And each section has...three cars to Pimp...oh god....hey wait a minute, the song restarted once I got done with the event and...NO I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE BLACK AND THE BROWN! I'M A WHITE DUDE FROM SUBURBIA! BOW BEFORE ME AND MY LACK OF ATHLETIC ABILITY!
Achievements
Knock off all signs/parking meters/coins, finish all levels, complete all Cruisin' events, Perfect Pimp all Cars.
What? PERFECT PIMP ALL CARS!?
^#$&^%#$#$
X-Blades Review
Every so often, when a butterfly beats its wings in Tibet and Nicholas Cage readies another crappy movie, Dog of Thunder sits back and reflects on why someone would name their son Trapper. And when he is done with that, he composes a soliloquy on a budget title from his collection X-Blades
or
From Russia With Thong
Oh boy. Where to start with this one? You know that game you and your friends came up with in 2nd grade over your juice boxes and shark shaped fruit snacks? The one that would be so wicked awesome? With all sorts of enemies to slash, magic spells and those super special forms you can turn into to? And then a spike trap or two like in Indiana Jones? Remember that game?
This is that game.
Let's have some background info on just what, exactly, gave birth to X-Blades before we talk about the game itself, believe me, this makes the game all the more hilarious. And no, as far as I know, it was not put together by a bunch of 8 year olds.
The Developer: Gaijin Entertainment
Gaijin Entertainment is obviously not a Japanese developer, oh no, they belong to that other land famous for creating anime based games: Russia. Here, in all its unaltered glory (I swear to Jabootu I did not touch this) is the origin of the company:
2001 - In this year three persons, Anton Yudintsev (president), Kirill Yudintsev (creative director), and Alexey Volinskov (technical director) have established the company Gaijin Entertainment. A little bit earlier, these talented people had the time to get experience in development of computer games; we shall specifically note one of their many creations - Doom 2D, which became most known among old gamers.
Glad to see we're in good hands! Doom was a great game! Oh wait...Doom 2D? What the hell is that? The Most Informative Article I Could Find in 2 Minutes of Searching
At least this game was lovingly sent over by an experienced publisher:
The Publisher: SouthPeak Games
The same guys that blessed us with Two Worlds, which is actually a cult classic at this point, Roogoo for the XBLA, Monster Madness....Legendary...hmmm...and the forthcoming, Velvet Assassin. I would make fun of them as I planned to, but this was released today: They made a huge profit in 2008
Now that we have a little bit of background established, which frankly, doesn't need me poking fun at it, since you too can google Gaijin Entertainment and enjoy, let's break down the run away Game of The Year!
Plot
Straight from the main X-Blades site:
"Long, long ago, in an age that only the gods can now remember, the universe was ruled by two powerful beings that were revered and worshipped by all races - but the ‘brotherly’ relationship between these two creatures was always in question from the beginning of time, simply because no one knew who the real number 1 was. While the Enlightened was on the side of good, helping his people how and when he could, the Dark One was quite the opposite, full of hate and devilish works - and so the never-ending battle between the Enlightened and the Dark One persisted for centuries. Humans suffered terribly thanks to this constant combat between the two – combat which shook the universe to its very core. Finally, thanks to a trick, the Enlightened succeeded in banishing the divine power of the Dark One, imprisoning it in an Artifact - but in doing so, the Enlightened lost his own divine powers, because the two divine beings were inseparably linked to one another. This is how two Artifacts came to be hidden in a huge Temple - and how the Enlightened prevented the downfall of the entire universe. However, these two artifacts contain total, absolute power - both good and evil. Any human being who comes in contact with the powerful stones will be horribly cursed - and the power of darkness will once again be awakened.
The game begins when a map which has been lost for countless years suddenly turns up - and it shows the location of the artifacts. The adventurer Ayumi starts searching for the immensely valuable stones. Powerful forces against which she is helpless threaten to awake in her body. Now it's up to her to discover what the secret of the curse is - and at last defeat the darkness."
In the opening, Ayumi informs us that she's a treasure hunter, following an ancient map to a lost artifact and that she works alone, otherwise she'd have to split the loot. That rings a bell....what does it remind me of...Tombs....Raiding of said Tombs...dual wielding pistols...nope, can't think of anything that's a blatant rip off of.
Graphics
They suck. Remember the old Tomb Raider joke about how 80% of the game's polygons went to her boobies? All the care and design went to Ayumi. The environments all look the same, you even backtrack through them! The enemies have very little variety (oh wait, we're getting to that!) and look like they're from Vagrant Story. No wait, that had some decent graphics, let's say Granstream Saga (Has nothing to do with Unlimited SaGa). You can almost count the polygons that make them up, which is really sad since the main characters all look like hand drawn anime characters.
The spell effects are equally atrocious, with zero dynamic lighting, zero variety, and they blend in with the smoke trails left by certain enemies. This is the same system that powers Gears of War!?
Control
Actually, not bad at all. Unless your trying to do a combo....or a precision jump....in which case you need to get used to the controls a little bit since it's a case of being perhaps *too* tight. Much like the side of Ayumi you're forced to watch all game. Once you get used to them, you too can execute the highest sword combo, "the dancing swords all-round strike!"
Burning Finger doesn't sound like such a bad name now..
Gameplay
Do you like Hacking and Slashing? I mean, do you REALLY like Hacking and Slashing? Do you REALLY, REALLY like Hacking and Slashing with LESS VARIETY THEN DYNASTY WARRIORS? Seriously, at least Cao Cao has different combos, a musou move and if you get bored of him, you can use one of 49 other characters. Ayumi has no real combos, no real variety to her attacks since the "Fireball" and "Ice Blast" look nearly the same, function the same except that the Ice Blast freezes, and in order to use Magic, you have to build up rage by hitting all the peons. Over and over.
The prices for some of her more powerful skills are so exorbitantly high that you'll be nearly done with the game before you can afford them. At least the very first skill she learns, Earthquake, is useful. Since you'll be relying on it, a lot.
See, the whole point of the game is to explore the Ruins. Each "room" is its own separate level. You get trapped inside with enemies that respawn until you kill enough, which is helpfully shown by a health bar. That's um, it. Really. Every now and then you get a boss fight, some of which are a complete pain since you have to kill all the minions, hit the boss before the minions respawn, and repeat. One of them took me 22 minutes. Of doing the same thing. Over and over and over and over and over. All because of the ridiculous health pool of the boss! We've progressed since Perfect Weapon.
Innovation
I have to cite this...this is just too good...straight from X-Blades.com, which yes, has a separate section titled "Innovations":
"X-Blades" is an opulent action spectacle in Anime style for fans of short-duration combat games. Two gun blades are the trusty companions of the heroine Ayumi - and she uses them as an effective sword in hand-to-hand combat and to shoot various projectiles. Her attack potential can be increased by a wide range of spells which are progress-activated. This is where the RPG character side of the game comes in: when Ayumi has collected enough experience points, she can activate various skills which will decide whether she becomes a good or a bad character. This development leads to two different game endings.
The Anime-style level design gives "X-Blades" its unique atmosphere and flair and around 40 fantastic Indoor and Outdoor Worlds gleam resplendently in a lavish maelstrom of color. The optical effects of the action and magic are really striking, thanks to the use of modern cinematic stylistic devices like Bullet-Time and Motion Blur.
The opponents in "X-Blades" leave nothing to be desired - also designed in Anime style, around 30 classes of them await the heroine - and apart from that, she also has to destroy nine Boss opponents (including a gigantic Wolf Entity and a Giant Spider) with the help of various combat strategies.
....
Does your intelligence feel insulted?
Gun Blades as innovation? Anime-style? Fighting a Giant Spider and a gigantic "Wolf Entity" are NEW!? Motion blur is new!?
BULLET TIME IS A NEW INNOVATION!!??
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Achievements
Simple achievement list. Really, the full 1k can be done in perhaps a weekend. Grinding is required for some of them, and the complete a level without being hit is easy, but 6 levels? That gets annoying. I fully intend to get the full 1k in this, but then again, I hate myself.
The Wrap Up
Stay away from this game, unless you like completely derivative games with the depth of the kiddie pool.
Unless you get the Russian PC version. Cause then, well, Ayumi is nekkid. After all, this whole game was just an excuse to stare at a painted on thong for 8 hours.
Oh boy. Where to start with this one? You know that game you and your friends came up with in 2nd grade over your juice boxes and shark shaped fruit snacks? The one that would be so wicked awesome? With all sorts of enemies to slash, magic spells and those super special forms you can turn into to? And then a spike trap or two like in Indiana Jones? Remember that game?
This is that game.
Let's have some background info on just what, exactly, gave birth to X-Blades before we talk about the game itself, believe me, this makes the game all the more hilarious. And no, as far as I know, it was not put together by a bunch of 8 year olds.
The Developer: Gaijin Entertainment
Gaijin Entertainment is obviously not a Japanese developer, oh no, they belong to that other land famous for creating anime based games: Russia. Here, in all its unaltered glory (I swear to Jabootu I did not touch this) is the origin of the company:
2001 - In this year three persons, Anton Yudintsev (president), Kirill Yudintsev (creative director), and Alexey Volinskov (technical director) have established the company Gaijin Entertainment. A little bit earlier, these talented people had the time to get experience in development of computer games; we shall specifically note one of their many creations - Doom 2D, which became most known among old gamers.
Glad to see we're in good hands! Doom was a great game! Oh wait...Doom 2D? What the hell is that? The Most Informative Article I Could Find in 2 Minutes of Searching
At least this game was lovingly sent over by an experienced publisher:
The Publisher: SouthPeak Games
The same guys that blessed us with Two Worlds, which is actually a cult classic at this point, Roogoo for the XBLA, Monster Madness....Legendary...hmmm...and the forthcoming, Velvet Assassin. I would make fun of them as I planned to, but this was released today: They made a huge profit in 2008
Now that we have a little bit of background established, which frankly, doesn't need me poking fun at it, since you too can google Gaijin Entertainment and enjoy, let's break down the run away Game of The Year!
Plot
Straight from the main X-Blades site:
"Long, long ago, in an age that only the gods can now remember, the universe was ruled by two powerful beings that were revered and worshipped by all races - but the ‘brotherly’ relationship between these two creatures was always in question from the beginning of time, simply because no one knew who the real number 1 was. While the Enlightened was on the side of good, helping his people how and when he could, the Dark One was quite the opposite, full of hate and devilish works - and so the never-ending battle between the Enlightened and the Dark One persisted for centuries. Humans suffered terribly thanks to this constant combat between the two – combat which shook the universe to its very core. Finally, thanks to a trick, the Enlightened succeeded in banishing the divine power of the Dark One, imprisoning it in an Artifact - but in doing so, the Enlightened lost his own divine powers, because the two divine beings were inseparably linked to one another. This is how two Artifacts came to be hidden in a huge Temple - and how the Enlightened prevented the downfall of the entire universe. However, these two artifacts contain total, absolute power - both good and evil. Any human being who comes in contact with the powerful stones will be horribly cursed - and the power of darkness will once again be awakened.
The game begins when a map which has been lost for countless years suddenly turns up - and it shows the location of the artifacts. The adventurer Ayumi starts searching for the immensely valuable stones. Powerful forces against which she is helpless threaten to awake in her body. Now it's up to her to discover what the secret of the curse is - and at last defeat the darkness."
In the opening, Ayumi informs us that she's a treasure hunter, following an ancient map to a lost artifact and that she works alone, otherwise she'd have to split the loot. That rings a bell....what does it remind me of...Tombs....Raiding of said Tombs...dual wielding pistols...nope, can't think of anything that's a blatant rip off of.
Graphics
They suck. Remember the old Tomb Raider joke about how 80% of the game's polygons went to her boobies? All the care and design went to Ayumi. The environments all look the same, you even backtrack through them! The enemies have very little variety (oh wait, we're getting to that!) and look like they're from Vagrant Story. No wait, that had some decent graphics, let's say Granstream Saga (Has nothing to do with Unlimited SaGa). You can almost count the polygons that make them up, which is really sad since the main characters all look like hand drawn anime characters.
The spell effects are equally atrocious, with zero dynamic lighting, zero variety, and they blend in with the smoke trails left by certain enemies. This is the same system that powers Gears of War!?
Control
Actually, not bad at all. Unless your trying to do a combo....or a precision jump....in which case you need to get used to the controls a little bit since it's a case of being perhaps *too* tight. Much like the side of Ayumi you're forced to watch all game. Once you get used to them, you too can execute the highest sword combo, "the dancing swords all-round strike!"
Burning Finger doesn't sound like such a bad name now..
Gameplay
Do you like Hacking and Slashing? I mean, do you REALLY like Hacking and Slashing? Do you REALLY, REALLY like Hacking and Slashing with LESS VARIETY THEN DYNASTY WARRIORS? Seriously, at least Cao Cao has different combos, a musou move and if you get bored of him, you can use one of 49 other characters. Ayumi has no real combos, no real variety to her attacks since the "Fireball" and "Ice Blast" look nearly the same, function the same except that the Ice Blast freezes, and in order to use Magic, you have to build up rage by hitting all the peons. Over and over.
The prices for some of her more powerful skills are so exorbitantly high that you'll be nearly done with the game before you can afford them. At least the very first skill she learns, Earthquake, is useful. Since you'll be relying on it, a lot.
See, the whole point of the game is to explore the Ruins. Each "room" is its own separate level. You get trapped inside with enemies that respawn until you kill enough, which is helpfully shown by a health bar. That's um, it. Really. Every now and then you get a boss fight, some of which are a complete pain since you have to kill all the minions, hit the boss before the minions respawn, and repeat. One of them took me 22 minutes. Of doing the same thing. Over and over and over and over and over. All because of the ridiculous health pool of the boss! We've progressed since Perfect Weapon.
Innovation
I have to cite this...this is just too good...straight from X-Blades.com, which yes, has a separate section titled "Innovations":
"X-Blades" is an opulent action spectacle in Anime style for fans of short-duration combat games. Two gun blades are the trusty companions of the heroine Ayumi - and she uses them as an effective sword in hand-to-hand combat and to shoot various projectiles. Her attack potential can be increased by a wide range of spells which are progress-activated. This is where the RPG character side of the game comes in: when Ayumi has collected enough experience points, she can activate various skills which will decide whether she becomes a good or a bad character. This development leads to two different game endings.
The Anime-style level design gives "X-Blades" its unique atmosphere and flair and around 40 fantastic Indoor and Outdoor Worlds gleam resplendently in a lavish maelstrom of color. The optical effects of the action and magic are really striking, thanks to the use of modern cinematic stylistic devices like Bullet-Time and Motion Blur.
The opponents in "X-Blades" leave nothing to be desired - also designed in Anime style, around 30 classes of them await the heroine - and apart from that, she also has to destroy nine Boss opponents (including a gigantic Wolf Entity and a Giant Spider) with the help of various combat strategies.
....
Does your intelligence feel insulted?
Gun Blades as innovation? Anime-style? Fighting a Giant Spider and a gigantic "Wolf Entity" are NEW!? Motion blur is new!?
BULLET TIME IS A NEW INNOVATION!!??
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Achievements
Simple achievement list. Really, the full 1k can be done in perhaps a weekend. Grinding is required for some of them, and the complete a level without being hit is easy, but 6 levels? That gets annoying. I fully intend to get the full 1k in this, but then again, I hate myself.
The Wrap Up
Stay away from this game, unless you like completely derivative games with the depth of the kiddie pool.
Unless you get the Russian PC version. Cause then, well, Ayumi is nekkid. After all, this whole game was just an excuse to stare at a painted on thong for 8 hours.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)