I just finished up Wanted: Weapons of Fate earlier today and it was incredibly satisfying. Wanted had spent a long time on my "wish list" of games that I really wanted to play for one reason or another. The list includes such luminaries as 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, WET and The Wheelman. Not exactly the top of the metacritic or anything. Wanted, with very low expectations, managed to meet each and every one of them. Sadly, this makes it one of the best movie games I've ever played.
While Wanted may actually be based off of the comic series by Mark Millar, it's well, very loosely based. VERY. The comic series, released in 2003, answers the question "What would have happened if the Legion of Doom had defeated the Justice League?" The universe of Wanted is a dark parody of the DC Universe with no heroes and only villains. Wesley in the comics goes through training, but it's to become a straight up EVIL~! super villain that can "rape an A list celebrity and get away with it." The Wanted comic book series is not for the faint of heart, but at least the movie made an attempt to capture the spirit of the series.
The movie introduced curving bullets, which did not exist in the comics, and thank Jabootu that they did because that one mechanic is done so well in the video game, I did not mind playing it twice and then another 3 runs of the last level. I LOVE picking off fools that think their safe hiding behind cover with a gorgeous slo-mo curving shot to the head. The cover system sucks, aiming is rough sometimes, but the mere existence of the easy to use curving bullets raise this game to a higher level.
Why is that? One thing, just one gameplay mechanic makes me overlook the monotonous enemies, drab locales, horrendous color choices and hysterically poor plot with some of the worst voice acting since Transformers 2. Curving bullets is just pure fun. The slo mo sequences? Also just fun. Once you get a rhythm, you can actually move like The Killer, flowing from cover to cover, popping off curving headshots and just generally being an unhittable avatar of death.
It's short, the last achievement is really annoying, but for just balls out action, Wanted: Weapons of Fate is a great game.
Showing posts with label Xbox360. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Xbox360. Show all posts
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
What I Bought This Week
Perhaps the most boring title ever. I should liven it up a little, perhaps "What I Bought This Week With Money I Stole From A Luchador." I ended up buying my second copy of Dead or Alive Extreme 2, and then THAT copy was bad so it was back to Gamestop to get it replaced. I've been shopping at this one Gamestop for long enough that the staff pretty much know what to expect from me. Turning in DoAX2 and asking for another copy though, sent this one girl over the edge. I've explained to her my gaming style before, and now I believe, she really gets it. Took an extreme (HA!) example, but she now understands.
I also picked up Project Slypheed, another game you've never heard of, and Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe. I've talked about that one before, I'll re-post that particular review tomorrow. What else...oh right, the pre-orders. I pre-ordered Super Street Fighter 4 (a good game) and Dante's Inferno (An amazing, absolutely stellar game with an equally great story that is remarkably true to the source material....amusing that Dante's epic poem was about his quest to rescue his smokin' hot wife from the Devil....armed with Death's Scythe which he gained by beating the unliving snot out of Death himself.)
That's what's coming down the pipeline starting tomorrow, with the (re)debut of the DoAX2 Diary!
I also picked up Project Slypheed, another game you've never heard of, and Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe. I've talked about that one before, I'll re-post that particular review tomorrow. What else...oh right, the pre-orders. I pre-ordered Super Street Fighter 4 (a good game) and Dante's Inferno (An amazing, absolutely stellar game with an equally great story that is remarkably true to the source material....amusing that Dante's epic poem was about his quest to rescue his smokin' hot wife from the Devil....armed with Death's Scythe which he gained by beating the unliving snot out of Death himself.)
That's what's coming down the pipeline starting tomorrow, with the (re)debut of the DoAX2 Diary!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Review Repost: Overlord (Contains FF7 Spoiler!)
Overlord
Reviewing good games, with my style, is actually rather difficult. I live off of ridicule, scorn, and the whole "Why did you play this" attitude. That makes reviewing the bad games really easy. Why else would I have even touched Dash of Destruction or Deadliest Catch? Those games are so easy to mock, it's like playing hide and seek with Helen Keller.
What can I do if the game isn't good...or bad...but instead, is downright evil? After much soul searching with my buddy Jack, I figured that who better to discuss Overlord then well, the Overlord himself?
It might amaze you to know that the Overlord actually hails from the Netherlands, which is an actual country and not what a Catholic schoolgirl calls her oh hey! And here's the Overlord!
Overlord:Do you realize how early it is over here?
Dog:It's 3 PM here....so your on the other side of London...which means it would be...9 PM. At night. That's not early you liar.
Overlord:That's just one example of how downright EVIL~! I am.
Dog:....that wasn't evil. In fact, it was really lame and annoying. Your game is supposed to showcase what it's like to be evil so why the...well it's insulting to call that a half-baked attempt...
Overlord:Once you've done all the evil things that I've done, it's the small things that really stick out. In fact, there is nothing that can shock me anymore, not since I burned down the elven Sacred Grove, the source of their immortality and doomed the entire race. A moment you can relive in my game for yourself.
Dog:I'm sure I can find an evil act that will shock even you. That though is pretty mean. How can you doom a race and yet also have the option to give stolen food back to the halflings...or to give the elves their stolen statue back?
Overlord:Well Triumph Studios, the firm that were programming my biography for you to play through, decide to have the options for both good and evil, as opposed to strict evil. This is a mistake that is going to corrected for the sequel, Overlord 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Dog:Will the controls still be as awkward in the sequel? I can't tell you how many times one of my minions got stuck on a tiny piece of the landscape.
Overlord:That simply gets across how hard it is to be the Overlord. You try maintaining strict control of a legion of underlings, with 4 different varieties no less. How can I easily organize fighters, rogues, ranged attackers and healers all in real time? Life doesn't have a pause button you know, and what stupid person really expects your enemies to just stand and wait for you to take your turn and attack?
You send the minions around with one stick, move me around with the other. How is that hard? Are you just stupid? Your stupid aren't you?
Dog:I think you meant *you're* stupid...
Overlord:SILENCE PLEBIAN BEFORE I INCINERATE YOU WITH MY BALLS OF FIRE!
Dog:But your magic sucks.
Overlord: Well yes, level 4 Wizard and all that, but what few spells I have are incredibly helpful and they add a whole new dimension to the gameplay. And you can incinerate sheep. Or elves. That never gets old. I like to imagine I'm causing Orlando Bloom to go Boom! Every evil Overlord in an RPG hates twinks.
Dog:Okay, now how is your game an RPG?
Overlord:I have stats, you buy weapons and armor, take a mistress, buy upgrades for my castle and view it through an isometric perspective. That and I say it's an RPG. I'm bigger then you so I'm right.
Dog: So your game is Fable starring the Gremlins?
Overlord:NO! My game has real choices you can make, with much more interesting puzzles and dungeons to get through! PEter Molyneaux is a hack that just can't cut it as evil in this business!
Dog:He did charge people extra for a mini game collection to earn fake money for his not even released yet game.
Overlord:Ohhhhh. That's evil. I like that. Still doesn't shock me or anything, nothing can be that evil.
Dog:What about the horrible graphics in your game? Is that some sort of assault on our good taste?
Overlord:Listen point dexter, my graphics are fine, especially for an older title. This was before "Glitches" of War remember, and the focus here is on the gameplay, not just being good looking that Solid Snake guy.
Dog:But music is timeless, so why does yours suck...oh...that's a large axe you have there...did I say suck? Why is it so awesome!? I can listen to that same few notes being played in your tower day after day! In fact, I will!
Overlord:I'm glad we understand each other. So gameplay, graphics, music, is there anything you have yet to praise me on yet?
Dog:The achievements for your game, who came up with them?
Overlord:Willy the Mailboy. He figured rewarding people for crushing the opposing heroes was a good way to get them hooked, before they realize that they have to play the game twice *and* hunt down every upgrade for the tower, while making their mistress happy, slaughtering thousands and thousands of sheep for days on end and then destroying the townfolk of Spree! With this training as obedient slaves, I can then muster an army of gamers to take over the world! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Dog:....is helping you take over the world necessary for an achievement?
Overlord:...no.
Dog:Then no one's interested. Oh, and before you go, I found an act so evil, so vile, that it will reduce you to tears.
Overlord:Try me mortal.
Dog:suit yourself. Here you go:
Overlord:WHY!? WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DIE!? THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!
Dog:Going to cry now?
Overlord:SHE CAN BE REZZED! I NEED A PHOENIX DOWN!
Who I Am And What I Do
I am Dog of Thunder, a mild mannered college librarian by night and a gamer by day. I have been playing games of all kinds since my aunt first had me sit down and play her NES. A while later, one of my uncles showed me Dragon Warrior 3 on the NES (the Orochi dungeon sequence) and I was hooked for good. Other games have drifted in and out, CCGs such as Magic the Gathering and Warlord, table top games like Warhammer, Warhammer 40k, Mordheim and the ilk, and even good old pen and paper RPGS, Dungeons and Dragons, Vampire: The Masquerade, Fallen and for one unforgettable weekend, Tales from the Floating Vagabond.
I especially enjoy horrible games. The reviews I've posted so far, X-Blades, Dash of Destruction, Pimp My Ride, Deadliest Catch, are all for games so bad that most people don't spend more then 10 minutes on them. These games give me strength. I find them much more amusing then say, Fallout 3, an AAA title that is still sitting on my shelf, waiting to be played. Whenever I play a good game, I get a message over Xbox LIVE from someone that is in shock over the mere sight of me playing a good game. Usually it's a sarcastic message asking if I'm alright.
My favorite message was when I was playing Operation Darkness and one of my friends sent this for a message: "I was thinking of picking that game up, but now that I see you're playing it, I'm nervous." Operation Darkness, which I'll cover at some point, really isn't *that* bad, but I can understand his trepidation. As the 33rd person in the world to finish X-Blades, I think my taste can be questioned. :-)
My taste, what I like in gaming, movies, and TV, is the reason for this blog. Sharing with all of you my slanted perspective on things. I'm not overly cynical or jaded, just someone that enjoys unintentional comedy much more then intentional comedy. So check back from time to time as I embark on an epic odyssey, exploring the truly wretched in the world of the Xbox 360.
I especially enjoy horrible games. The reviews I've posted so far, X-Blades, Dash of Destruction, Pimp My Ride, Deadliest Catch, are all for games so bad that most people don't spend more then 10 minutes on them. These games give me strength. I find them much more amusing then say, Fallout 3, an AAA title that is still sitting on my shelf, waiting to be played. Whenever I play a good game, I get a message over Xbox LIVE from someone that is in shock over the mere sight of me playing a good game. Usually it's a sarcastic message asking if I'm alright.
My favorite message was when I was playing Operation Darkness and one of my friends sent this for a message: "I was thinking of picking that game up, but now that I see you're playing it, I'm nervous." Operation Darkness, which I'll cover at some point, really isn't *that* bad, but I can understand his trepidation. As the 33rd person in the world to finish X-Blades, I think my taste can be questioned. :-)
My taste, what I like in gaming, movies, and TV, is the reason for this blog. Sharing with all of you my slanted perspective on things. I'm not overly cynical or jaded, just someone that enjoys unintentional comedy much more then intentional comedy. So check back from time to time as I embark on an epic odyssey, exploring the truly wretched in the world of the Xbox 360.
Review: Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm
For starters, I need to address that cover art. First off, any game involving seamen in any way, should not be rated "Teen." Secondly, notice the two guys clinging on for dear life as the waves are tossing them around? Awesome right? Just screams "I am a man!" doesn't it? Well the game is nothing like that.
Background
To fully appreciate this putrid piece of [Gamespot] I need to explain the awesomeness that is the show, The Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. To be honest, anything involving Mike Rowe is automatically awesome. He's like Bruce Campbell in that regard. Oh come on, you know it's true. Don't lie. You've got a man-crush on Mike Rowe.
Rawr.
Mike narrates the episodes which follow the crews of various crab fishing boats in the Bering Sea, perhaps the deadliest patch of water on Earth-2. For you non-Geography minded people, like Ms. Teen USA candidates, the Bering Sea is the body of water in the northern pacific that lies between Alaska and Russia. All those funny little islands that stretch off Alaska like a tail? Those are the Aleutian islands and they mark the region that the show(and the game) take place.
Each of the ships, there's about 5 main ones the show follows, are big on familial connections. The main ship, with regards to the game, is that of the Northwestern, captained by Sig Hansen, another manly man of a man.
Studly.What makes men like Sig so impressive, is that crab fishing for the Alaskan King crab is the most dangerous form of fishing in the world. As of 2005, for every 100,000 fishermen that head out, 300 don't make it back. 80% of those 300 died of hypothermia or drowning. None of them died by clinging onto a space shuttle.
The design team at Liquid Dragon Studios actually spent some time out on the Bering Sea with Sig Hansen aboard the Northwesternto learn what conditions had to be created for the game and how they are girly men with no hair on their chests.
When I told my wife that I got the Deadliest Catch game from Gamefly, she perked up a bit and asked if it was like the show, fighting off killer 20 foot swells, decks as slippery as an AIG executive, the worst weather in the world and a freezing, biting cold that would make a lesser man curl up in a ball and cry for his mommy.
I told her, "No, you just sail around, drop crab traps, pick them up, and then go back to harbor to sell them."
She asked why I play this crap.
I told her that some men are fit to face the worst Mother Nature has to offer, stare Death in the face and laugh. Then there's dorks like me that sneeze in direct sunlight and start to burn.
Did I put off talking about the actual game enough yet? Yes? Alright, onto the actual game!
The Menu Screen
Gets a special call out for the truly epic profile shot of the main ship captains, featuring Sig Hansen, the pinnacle of manhood, above a ship being tossed around in the sea to the tune of "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi. Best. Menu screen. Ever. In fact, keep it on this screen, because if you don't, it means you're actually experiencing the
Gameplay
Oh boy. For starters, there's a mandatory tutorial (like the one ZeroDesolation played for Command&Conquer 3) that introduces you to the basic controls and various gameplay situations. Lesson 1: The boat is slow. Lesson 2: Your crew works slow. Lesson 3: Whenever Sig pops up on the screen, he's going to verbally smack you for being a stupid girly man.
Get through the tutorial and you get to be the crab boat captain of your own vessel! Wo0t! Select a crew, buy supplies and head out into the open sea where you spend an hour laying crab traps, simming forward 2 days, then picking them up! AWESOME! Did I mention you have to wait for your crew to prep each and every trap!? No?! Well they do! No wonder the Russian boats are so much more productive, your crew needs the threat of the gulag to get motivated or something.
Sometimes, to mix things up, the weather gets bad and choppy. That's when the "seasick cam" (Named by the same guys the Medal of Honor team uses apparently), is in full effect. Your ship gets tougher to control, but that's um, about it. On harder difficulties, some crew *can* be washed overboard, but it kinda loses any dramatic effect because of:
Graphics
They suck.
Sound
What little music the game has, is actually really cool and rather mood setting. No really, it is. I know, as shocked as you are.
What really grinds my gears about the audio is the stupid seagulls. Your ship, quire realistically, is being followed at all times by a flock of seagulls, no matter how far you run away, there they are. Squawking. Constantly. It will drive you insane.
Achievements
Very do able achievement list actually, despite the fact that you have to upgrade your ship with all the...upgrades...hmm..awkward...and finish a season with your entire crew having high morale. Oh, and play an online game with 8 people in it (counting yourself). Besides those three, the list really isn't that bad. Long, boring and soul crushing, but not bad.
Don't let that fool you into thinking your man enough to tackle this game though, these rough waters? Only real men need apply. If you think have the guts and the testicular fortitude to hang with beer guzzling, cussing, roughneck bastiches, then by all means, pick this game up. Grab a copy with your man card. The one you had to turn in after Bambi's mom got shot. Wuss.
The Ninja Gaiden 2 Rap
Yo! Let's kick it
Ninja Stars baby
Ninja Stars baby
All right stop collaborate and stew
Dog is back with my brand new review
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flows like the Dragon Sword through me and nightly
Will it ever stop yo I gotta play
Turn off the lights and I'll pray
To the extreme Ryu rocks a combo like a camel
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle
Dance go rush to the combat that booms
I'm killing your brain like a hundred hit combos
Deadly when I dash a Flying Swallow
Anything less than the best and you're on the gallow
Love it or leave it you better start practicin'
You better know this game ain't playin'
If there's a problem yo you betta solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
Ninja Stars baby
Ninja Ninja Stars baby
Ninja Stars baby
Ninja Ninja Stars baby
Now that the party is jumping
With the bosses kicked in and the blood is flowin'
Quick to the point to the point no faking
That camera beats you like a pound of bacon
Screwing you if you ain't quick and nimble
I go crazy when that sucka kills me
And forced to bust out with a souped up ninpo
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo
Rollin' like Clint in Gran Turino
With my reflxes old so my game can blow
The girlies need not apply
Did you stop no I just drove by
Kept on pursuing to the next stop
I busted a left and I'm heading to the next boss
Genshin is dead, he ain't a hoss
Yo so I continued to the next level
Girl came by, lookin' fly
those polygons make a man die
Jealous 'cause I'm out cutting heads
Ninja reflexes sharp, can't mess my threads
Leavin the chumps all over the walls
Because they're AI so tight you be hurtin' in the balls
Sword be stolen opening hell
I grabbed my new Talons and all I heard were yells
Splittin' spleens like Wolverine
Graphics are whack
Except for when the level's packed
Ain't no way unless I counter attack
Confronted all the dope Greater demons
Whacked them with a crowbar just like Gordon Freeman
Yo, Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it!
Ninja Stars Baby
Ninja Ninja Stars Baby
Ninja Stars Baby
Ninja Ninja Stars Baby
Take heed 'cause I'm a lyrical poet
Gamplay is sweet don't you know it?
Crank up the audio, enjoy the sound
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground
'Cause my style's like Hanzo's and Leo's
Control is slick with moves like Neo's
Conducted and formed
This is a hell of a concept
Listen to the hype and you want to step with this
Play on the fade 'n' slice like a ninja
Cut like a razor blade so fast, hit like Bob Orton's Cast
If my rhyme was a drug I'd sell it by the gram
Keep my composure when it's time to slam
Mad ninja skills get me the key
Open the door cause I gotta flee
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
Ninja Stars baby
Ninja Ninja Stars baby (oh-oh!)
Ninja Stars baby
Ninja Ninja stars baby (Wave your arms!)
Yo man let's get back to the game
Word to your mother
Ninja Stars baby (Make some noise 360voice!)
Ninja Ninja Stars baby
Windmill stars baby
Have you ever seen a ninja Get Down? -- Slammin' Jammin' to the new swing sound
Yeah, everybody let's move -- Dog is here with the New Jack Groove
Gonna rock, and roll this place -- With the power of the ninja bass
Doggie, ya know I'm not playin' -- Devistate the show while the ninjas are sayin:
Ninja, Ninja, RAP! Ninja, Ninja, RAP!
GO GO GO
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO; Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja. GO; Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
GO GO GO GO
Lyrics, fill in the gap -- Drop that bass and get the NINJA RAP
Feel it, if you know what I mean -- Give it up for those heroes
Just flowin, smooth with the power -- Kickin' it up, hour after hour
Cause in this life there's only one winner -- You better aim good so you can hit the center
In it to win it, with an army of one -- Ninja that you gotta adore it's the:
Ninja, Ninja, RAP! Ninja, Ninja, RAP!
GO GO GO
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO; Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja. GO; Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
GO GO GO GO
Villains, you better run and hide -- Because one day you might not slide
Choose your weapon but don't slip --Dog's in control with the flex of the mic grip
Rockin' the crowd the way it should be rocked -- With the Miami drop that you like alot
Hittin like a Ninja when the bass kicks in -- You better check your level
The power of the Ninja is strong -- Fightin' all the crooks until they're all out cold
Go Ninja Go Ninja Go!
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