Overlord
Reviewing good games, with my style, is actually rather difficult. I live off of ridicule, scorn, and the whole "Why did you play this" attitude. That makes reviewing the bad games really easy. Why else would I have even touched Dash of Destruction or Deadliest Catch? Those games are so easy to mock, it's like playing hide and seek with Helen Keller.
What can I do if the game isn't good...or bad...but instead, is downright evil? After much soul searching with my buddy Jack, I figured that who better to discuss Overlord then well, the Overlord himself?
It might amaze you to know that the Overlord actually hails from the Netherlands, which is an actual country and not what a Catholic schoolgirl calls her oh hey! And here's the Overlord!
Overlord:Do you realize how early it is over here?
Dog:It's 3 PM here....so your on the other side of London...which means it would be...9 PM. At night. That's not early you liar.
Overlord:That's just one example of how downright EVIL~! I am.
Dog:....that wasn't evil. In fact, it was really lame and annoying. Your game is supposed to showcase what it's like to be evil so why the...well it's insulting to call that a half-baked attempt...
Overlord:Once you've done all the evil things that I've done, it's the small things that really stick out. In fact, there is nothing that can shock me anymore, not since I burned down the elven Sacred Grove, the source of their immortality and doomed the entire race. A moment you can relive in my game for yourself.
Dog:I'm sure I can find an evil act that will shock even you. That though is pretty mean. How can you doom a race and yet also have the option to give stolen food back to the halflings...or to give the elves their stolen statue back?
Overlord:Well Triumph Studios, the firm that were programming my biography for you to play through, decide to have the options for both good and evil, as opposed to strict evil. This is a mistake that is going to corrected for the sequel, Overlord 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Dog:Will the controls still be as awkward in the sequel? I can't tell you how many times one of my minions got stuck on a tiny piece of the landscape.
Overlord:That simply gets across how hard it is to be the Overlord. You try maintaining strict control of a legion of underlings, with 4 different varieties no less. How can I easily organize fighters, rogues, ranged attackers and healers all in real time? Life doesn't have a pause button you know, and what stupid person really expects your enemies to just stand and wait for you to take your turn and attack?
You send the minions around with one stick, move me around with the other. How is that hard? Are you just stupid? Your stupid aren't you?
Dog:I think you meant *you're* stupid...
Overlord:SILENCE PLEBIAN BEFORE I INCINERATE YOU WITH MY BALLS OF FIRE!
Dog:But your magic sucks.
Overlord: Well yes, level 4 Wizard and all that, but what few spells I have are incredibly helpful and they add a whole new dimension to the gameplay. And you can incinerate sheep. Or elves. That never gets old. I like to imagine I'm causing Orlando Bloom to go Boom! Every evil Overlord in an RPG hates twinks.
Dog:Okay, now how is your game an RPG?
Overlord:I have stats, you buy weapons and armor, take a mistress, buy upgrades for my castle and view it through an isometric perspective. That and I say it's an RPG. I'm bigger then you so I'm right.
Dog: So your game is Fable starring the Gremlins?
Overlord:NO! My game has real choices you can make, with much more interesting puzzles and dungeons to get through! PEter Molyneaux is a hack that just can't cut it as evil in this business!
Dog:He did charge people extra for a mini game collection to earn fake money for his not even released yet game.
Overlord:Ohhhhh. That's evil. I like that. Still doesn't shock me or anything, nothing can be that evil.
Dog:What about the horrible graphics in your game? Is that some sort of assault on our good taste?
Overlord:Listen point dexter, my graphics are fine, especially for an older title. This was before "Glitches" of War remember, and the focus here is on the gameplay, not just being good looking that Solid Snake guy.
Dog:But music is timeless, so why does yours suck...oh...that's a large axe you have there...did I say suck? Why is it so awesome!? I can listen to that same few notes being played in your tower day after day! In fact, I will!
Overlord:I'm glad we understand each other. So gameplay, graphics, music, is there anything you have yet to praise me on yet?
Dog:The achievements for your game, who came up with them?
Overlord:Willy the Mailboy. He figured rewarding people for crushing the opposing heroes was a good way to get them hooked, before they realize that they have to play the game twice *and* hunt down every upgrade for the tower, while making their mistress happy, slaughtering thousands and thousands of sheep for days on end and then destroying the townfolk of Spree! With this training as obedient slaves, I can then muster an army of gamers to take over the world! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Dog:....is helping you take over the world necessary for an achievement?
Overlord:...no.
Dog:Then no one's interested. Oh, and before you go, I found an act so evil, so vile, that it will reduce you to tears.
Overlord:Try me mortal.
Dog:suit yourself. Here you go:
Overlord:WHY!? WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DIE!? THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!
Dog:Going to cry now?
Overlord:SHE CAN BE REZZED! I NEED A PHOENIX DOWN!
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